In the final stages of love,
the beloved starts to appear in imaginary scenes of death
the beloved's death is viewed again and again
how it happens
who finds out first
the last conversation
the last rites...
It becomes easier to do this,
if one has gone through it before
A goodbye is a pretty dramatic scene
in the films music is composed for these in a very specific way, as is lighting and nature
for goodbyes need always be hellos ,
as deaths must be births.
And so, in life, when the heart has opened so much,
that it inverts and falls into a galaxy, the galaxy from where we come and where we rest as stars, between these moments here - when this falling into the dark spaces around stars happens, the heart feels larger than its physical self.
It becomes aware that it is always dying .
It loses its ends and beginnings
Its carefully walled and barracked boundaries.
It yawns and stretches like a tired dancer
it lets out funny cries like a gurgling baby
it jumps around and pees in corners like an untrained pup
and it melts again and again like butter.
It blooms like the hybiscus on the balcony garden and it hurts all the more from feeling everything.
This dancer - butter - baby - puppy - flower heart then starts to love in collaboration with death.
Death, no more the threat, but the deadline that makes the party even more enthralling and joyful.
Death - the loving mother who knows when to call you back home, into the luminous darkness.
only to start again
and get through this whole school once more - sifting wildly through its playgrounds and corridors, scourging its principal's offices and classrooms, exploring its hidden haunted corners and dirty bathrooms, searching for the familiar during assemblies and lectures and detentions and concerts - until again the light from within a certain pair of eyes signals - I'm here too.
And death watches as we choose
and she decides when we graduate
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