In the first stages of love

 In the final stages of love,

the beloved starts to appear in imaginary scenes of death 

the beloved's death is viewed again and again

how it happens

who finds out first 

the last conversation

the last rites...

It becomes easier to do this,

if one has gone through it before 

A goodbye is a pretty dramatic scene 

in the films music is composed for these in a very specific way, as is lighting and nature 

for goodbyes need always be hellos ,

as deaths must be births.

And so, in life, when the heart has opened so much,

that it inverts and falls into a galaxy, the galaxy from where we come and where we rest as stars, between these moments here - when this falling into the dark spaces around stars happens, the heart feels larger than its physical self.

It becomes aware that it is always dying .

It loses its ends and beginnings

Its carefully walled and barracked boundaries.

It yawns and stretches like a tired dancer

it lets out funny cries like a gurgling baby 

it jumps around and pees in corners like an untrained pup

and it melts again and again like butter.

It blooms like the hybiscus on the balcony garden and it hurts all the more from feeling everything.

This dancer - butter - baby - puppy - flower  heart then starts to love in collaboration with death.

Death, no more the threat, but the deadline that makes the party even more enthralling and joyful.

Death - the loving mother who knows when to call you back home, into the luminous darkness.

only to start again

and get through this  whole school once more  - sifting wildly through its playgrounds and corridors, scourging its principal's offices and classrooms, exploring its hidden haunted corners and dirty bathrooms, searching for the familiar during assemblies and lectures and detentions and concerts - until again the light from within a certain pair of eyes signals - I'm here too.

And death watches as we choose

 and she decides when we graduate